PART 3 of 3: My Dad

PART 3:

GRIEF. We all grieve differently, this I learned. I have been through minimal trials up until that point in my life so I didn't know how I would grieve. I wouldn't consider myself an emotional person, and I wouldn't say this experience made me overly emotional. I, of course, cried a lot. I cried in Nephi's arms, in my bed with my back turned so he wouldn't notice, in the shower, during conversations -- but I wasn't sobbing uncontrollably at any point. 

When we got home we went straight back to normal life. I think we got back on a Saturday and I had work on Monday. I am the sole provider in my family right now so there was no choice. There was no time to sit at home and "grieve" in a traditional sense of the word. I can remember going to work that morning and taking the stairs and before opening the door taking a deep breath annnnnnnnd I was on the wrong floor! Ha. But everything was the same? I was new to the office and my boss didn't tell anyone. It was super awkward. She only told people that I had a family death so when a co-worker mentioned something and then I said something about my Dad she gasped because she didn't know it was a parent. Awkward.

It was hard at home because I didn't know how to bring it up and talk about it when I wanted to. I wanted to talk about it all the time, really. Not in a sad way, but talk about him and his memories and how I was feeling during certain situations. I went from being knee-deep in family time and talking about Dad to nothing. It was strange and awkward. Nephi was so so unbelievably supportive, but he couldn't read my mind. 

Some days were hard. They were hard because I was going through a lot of "firsts" but also had a little resentment. I couldn't be home with my family and be near my Mom to help. I couldn't just take a day to decompress, I had to keep moving and working (2 jobs), changing diapers, making dinner, church responsibilities and keeping my home in shape. People wouldn't talk about it or bring it up and they made it awkward. I would see people for the first time since it had happened and they would say NOTHING. It was so hard for me. The world kept going. I felt like I was just jogging at a slow pace behind it, with lava chasing me so I had no choice but to keep going. It felt so unfair so many times. 

There were a lot of firsts that were hard. His birthday was hard because I realized how young he was (58). My parents anniversary was rough thinking of my Mom without a spouse. Father's Day was hard scrolling through social media seeing everyone worshiping their Dads (it is still hard). I ran into a few work issues and career decisions that totally made me breakdown. He always had the answers and best guidance for me - I still feel very lost without him to counsel on those issues and to this day are my hardest moments. 

When good things happen it was hard, too. When I would have a major success at work, I couldn't call him. When I got called to be the president of our women's church group I cried thinking that he wasn't there to tell me that I would be able to handle it. Even when I ran my first half-marathon since having Marlo, tears filled my eyes when I thought of how he would have been so proud - he loved when we challenged ourselves physically. He missed some good vacations too! Like Telluride and Hawaii when we went to honor him. 

Now I look back at the first year and I am grateful we had things to come home to. What forced me to keep moving, made me stronger. I felt my Dad so often in the first year. It's been a major blessing to be busy and be needed. I feel it's made me a better Mom, wife, friend, Relief Society President, co-worker, etc. 

In January we lost Nephi's Dad and that was so hard. It was interesting to be on the other side, to see how I can comfort my spouse the way he did me. It was hard because it brought back more memories than I anticipated. It was even harder to see my spouse go through the trial, Nephi's Dad was an amazing man. We now both have lost our fathers and Marlo has lost both her Grandpas, and we are only 30 years old. It's crazy to think about that, but we have compassion for each other. 

Overall, time has been the most haunting. Some days move so slow and others so fast. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him, but there are days where it's more seldom. One minute I am looking back and thinking of all that has happened since he has passed and think he has missed SO much and then next I am thinking that life will feel so long and boring without him. 

I am grateful I got to spend 28 years of my life with him. He was my biggest fan and I couldn't have asked for a better Father.

ONE!

Marlo is ONE! 

We celebrated in AZ a few weeks early so we could be with family. The theme was kind of polkadot, but not to structured. We had flatbreads, salad, desserts, and of course Marlo had her smash cake! She was giddy all night until we put her to bed. She loved all the attention and love!

I just made a simple smash cake - a banana bread cake so it didn't have a lot of sugar - with can frosting. She kind of got into it but mostly just liked playing with the frosting on her fingers! 

Please. She is the cutest. We had to do a little modeling for some bloggers that sent us that bib and headband. I have to resist the urge to buy her all the cute stuff so it's nice to get a few things for free from our favorite shops! 

Did a fun photo-shoot at Kendall's new house with her nice camera and I loved how it turned out! We got a ton of great pictures. She was being so smiley and cooperative! 

The day of her birthday in Colorado we woke her up by putting balloons in her crib! She was so confused, like, "Hey guys, this is not suppose to be in here," and she started throwing the balloons out cautiously. So funny!

Made her favorite pancakes and added some sprinkles. 

We headed out to IKEA and then to lunch. Such a happy baby!

How did we get so lucky to get this sweet girl? I hate to say that our life started once we had Marlo (like many people say) because I personally don't feel like it did. I felt that more at marriage, but with Marlo's birth I felt a bigger change within myself and a major enhancement to our already beautiful life. I remember wondering what she would look like and now I feel like we've always known her and what she looks like. No doubt she is our baby - everyone says she's a 50/50! I would say it's the same personality-wise; she's outgoing and social like me, and curious and kind like Nephi. And then there is a little of Marlo - the cautious but daring, sweet but sour, fragile but strong, little girl that we adore. Every phase gets more fun and we can't wait to grow up with her! 

And of course, it was my "Mommy Birthday", too. I get the chills when people use the phrase, "my baby that made me a mommy," because I know that feeling now! I know why my Mom has a special little affinity towards her first-born - I will always have that for Marlo. And although I am very hard on myself, I feel proud of my accomplishments as a mother. My skills and talents have been exercised just as much as my weaknesses have, and I have Heavenly Father to thank for that. 

Wedding Time in AZ

End of June we went to AZ for a weekend for Sheridan and Tiffany's wedding! It was a fast but fun weekend with endless smiles and yummy food. We can't say enough about how much we love Tiffany and how happy we are for her and Sheridan. Tiffany is such a great fit in our family and seeing them together makes my heart want to burst - Sheridan is so happy!

We flew in on a Friday just in time for the rehearsal dinner. We stayed up late of course helping Gird with the final details. They got married on Saturday morning and then they had a beautiful luncheon on my parents house and then we drove to Tucson for the gorgeous reception. I wasn't aware of any blunders throughout the day - in my eyes it was perfect!!

Cutest little flower girl in the town! She was so hot and lethargic - poor girl! That AZ heat kicked our butts! 

They are my favorite! 

Love my husband. 

One of the many reasons I LOVE going home or being with my family is because they are obsessed with Marlo. I can't even explain how it feels as a mother to have people love your baby. I hardly see Marlo when they are around. We were told countless times of how such a good baby she was. She never put up a fight and was so happy the whole time. She loves being around lots of people so it's like a gold mine at events like these. She is a lucky to have all these aunts and uncles obsess over her!

On the flight to AZ she was a little squirmy but on the way home she was out like a trout. Every time we have flown with her people have complimented her/us. She's our travelin' babe!

Can't wait to go to AZ for a MONTH in August! :)

2nd Anniversary

2 years down...

April 14, 2011

Eternity to go!

I don't think I need to blog to explain how much I love Nephi--I think everyone knows :) 

We had a very relaxed anniversary because of the craziness of ending a semester and me prepping for the biggest event of the year. Oh, and Nephi got a root canal. Happy Anniversary to us. 

We went to dinner Saturday night, I made Nephi breakfast the next morning, and then we went to church. 

We didn't really do "gifts" but I made this video for Nephi. In fact, Nephi ended up helping me with it at the end because I couldn't figure something out! Of course. 

Take a look below or check it out here! 

 



 

Valentines Getaway

After getting home from Minneapolis, we got some shut-eye and then headed out on Sunday to SLC for a quick Valentines Getaway!

First of all, what did we do on actual Valentines day? Well, besides me packing for my trip...

1) Got a care package from my parents--perfume for me & Taco Bell gift certs for Nephi. 2) I wore pink every day last week to get in the holiday spirit considering I didn't put up any Valentines decor (no time this year). 3) Made breakfast for Nephi! PB&J french toast (my family tradition), heart cut apples, and chocolate milk. 4) We didn't want to do major gifts but I got Nephi a tie with pink in it and he got me a TJ Maxx gift card. 5) Ordered food in and watched "Trouble With the Curve" (I didn't love it.) 6) I ate 1 of the prongs from my fork while cutting my broccoli. Yes, I did kind of feel a sharp feeling when swallowing but it didn't hurt. And no, I didn't notice it immediately. Any questions?

Nephi and I haven't been able to spend much quality time with each other this year so far so we decided to head to SLC for Sunday and spend time together shopping and hanging out for a day. We got a hotel downtown, went to dinner, slept in, and SHOPPED--a lot. Hit up the Park City outlets and City Creek.

Nephi (left): Outdoor shoes, Nike casual shoes and shirt, dress pants. Mallory (right): Running shoes (the other one's I just bought hurt my feet.), teal pants for spring, polka tank, green blazer, cheetah shirt, color clock sweater. Total: Under $150!!! Best deals. 

We took public transportation, ate at THE BEST waffle place I have ever tried (they taste like HEAVEN), and got something from Anthropology without going into debt.

We had a blast! Grateful we live so close to SLC and have the opportunity to get away for a bit. Work and travelling has been tough and I take off in 2 weeks again for a whole week out of town for work so we really wanted to fit something in before things get crazier. We do everything we can to enjoy the time we have together but understand this time in our life is limited and WONDERFUL!! We are so blessed.


Our next trip together looks like it may happen in August...any suggestions on a cruise line?! ;)

25...it happend

On September 2nd it happened. I turned 25. Yep. I feel old.

How did I picture my life at 25? Honestly...exactly how it is! I wanted to be married, a RM, graduated from college and have a great career. I have all of those things and feel extremely blessed to have such a wonderful life.

We celebrated with a yummy steak dinner and had some friends over for a small celebration. We have some great friends. Nephi, of course, made me feel so special. He got me flowers, took me to dinner, and got me a new iPhone case, a necklace and a gift card! And then of course I went shopping. :) Nephi has always made me feel so special on my birthday. I have major birthday anxiety because I am always afraid people are going to forget and I hate when people sing happy birthday to me. People did forget my birthday but fortunately no one sang happy birthday to me so that was a huge relief. Ha! I count that as a victory.

Garlic Pepper Steak...I was in HEAVEN! 

My shopping trip! I think all of this was less than $50. 

Birthday outfit with my new necklace I got myself. 

My party I basically threw myself. Ha! Nephi asked if I wanted people over and I said okay and a ton of people RSVP and less than half showed up! Ugh. I had a lot of left overs so Nephi took it all to work. But it was a simple sophisticated party with cheese & crackers and cake pops. 

My parents got me a sewing machine!!! I am so excited to have it. I have yet to use it, but I'm collecting pins on Pinterest of all the projects I want to do one day. I might challenge myself to do all homemade gifts for Christmas this year using the machine, but we will see. I just feel complete knowing it's in my closet and that I have access to it. My parents are the best.

We also went to the fair and ate way too much, per usual. We went with our good friends, the Cooks, and had a blast! We saw the hypnotist, got corn dogs and tigers ears and then chugged down a bottle of Tums at the end of the night. It was magical. Ps-Did we ever tell you we fell in love at the fair? Well, there is this story but the real "moment" happened after we went to the fair in 2010. Because we did. It's a little redneck but we are proud of it.

This is a little dark but it was a beautiful night!

That was my birthday and I am happy to be alive!

Our House is Warm

This weekend we had our house warming party. It turned out really well but I am glad it is over!

The invitation I made and mailed out to our guests. 

I had all of last week to prepare and I waited to do the grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing, and cleaning on Saturday. I did a little on Friday but I did most on Saturday and just about died!

I made this checklist in Excel to help me remember everything. This does not make me OCD, just organized. :) 

Friday I did a little cleaning and tested out our new vacuum. That is a whole other story...note to self, never buy a needed item last minute like that again because you will end up spending too much money impulsively out of desperation. BUT, I do LOVE the vacuum and I look forward to using it often because it is amazing.

Saturday morning I woke up later than planned, ran to the gym and the grocery store and then got home at noon. I figured I had enough time to clean and cook considering I had like 6 hours---all the time in the world, right? NOT.

Luckily my mother-in-law came over and helped me cook and clean. She was the BIGGEST lifesaver, ever! Seriously I could have not pulled it off without her. We cooked and cleaned dishes together and then I ran upstairs to clean and organize and she dusted, swept and mopped my whole kitchen! I was shocked! I just asked her to dust but by the time I came down an hour later she had done it all. I was so relieved! If she wouldn't have done that I would have not gotten everything done in time. THANK YOU CONNIE!!!!

So I finished my room, 3 bathrooms, vacuumed the stairs and all floors, and organized our crazy 2nd bedroom in like 1 hour. (AKA-I threw everything in the closet.) I will be finishing that room up this week...esh.

I ran downstairs, literally sweating, and threw in some loads of laundry and cooked a few more things and while they were baking did some last minute crafts. I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to do along the wall of the stairs. It's a small space but the walls looked weird with nothing on them. I know what I truly WANTED to do, but I didn't want to spend that much money. My original idea that I had and bought all the supplies for ended up not working the way I planned so I improvised. It turned out AWESOME and I can't wait to show you the pics. I did that in like 30 minutes and quickly hung it on the wall and then got back to cooking.

Nephi got home and I had him do a few things and then Neal and Angie came over to help. I had them do stuff but I still had other things to do!  It was 6:45 and it started at 7 but I still had things to do. I figured people wouldn't show up until 7:30 so I thought I was fine--nope. Some family showed up at 7 and so I was still in my gym clothes all gross and VERY sweaty. *Yeah, I sweat in my own home.* I didn't even get to make name cards for all the food! Bummer :(

At 7:15 I put them in charge and I ran upstairs to take the shortest shower in record history. Literally I was showered, dressed, make-up and hair done, by about 7:30. I was still sweating because I was rushed but I ran down stairs and more people were there but everything looked great and I am so thankful Neal and Angie came to help. Again, couldn't have done it without them either. I have great family.

We ended up having about 25 guests. I planned for 40 but I was happy that we had so many come and support. There were a few people who didn't come that upset me. I didn't ask for RSVP's but really, I expect too much out of people so I always get let down. Oh well.

Here are a few pics that I took with my phone. Since the house is all clean, I plan on taking legit pictures this week and having a post done soon with the tour. I am going to change our blog a little bit to have more features and our home will be one of the new features. I am excited.

Here is some of our family in the family room. Nephi's uncles are so savvy and turned our pilot light off in our fireplace. Whew! That will save us money on our electricity bill AND not make our house so warm.

Nephi eating some snacks. I made these awesome dips that I will blog about later. They were a HUGE hit and will be a must for all our parties in the future. 

The desserts! This photo was taken about an hour after the party had started so people already dove into the treats but I think we had a pretty good variety. Thank you Pinterest for inspiring our how food spread. I could not have done it without Pinterest!

More desserts!

The drinks and candy table. We had water with lemon, limeade, and then this other drink that is amazing. It's white grape juice and fresca. It was a huge hit! I even put some whole fresh apricots in there for appeal and it ended up adding some great flavoring as well. This will be a new staple for all our parties. 

The party went very well and our house is officially "warmed" by our friends and family. Maybe that is why I hardly slept last night because I was so hot? Probably.

They Called Us Angels

Nephi's brother and sister-in-law started an charity project 3 years ago when their sweet boy Jayden died shortly after birth. It's called, Calling All Angels. {<---Check out the blog for more details.}

Yesterday was Jayden's birthday and Nephi and I gathered some blankets and took it to the hospital. Although we were only able to gather a dozen, it still made a difference. When we gave them to the nurse she said that we must be angels because they are currently running low. Nephi and I were so happy to donate and part of such a great cause.

Ignore my squinty eyes and Nephi's sun burn...

In the past they have organized it in a way that you would send your blankets and a picture of you to them and they would donate them. This year, you could just take them to whatever hospital you want but still send them a picture. I LOVED doing it and next year I hope to get more family and friends involved like my other sister-in-law did this year. Kira rocked it and collected over 300 blankets!

I would encourage you all to donate wherever you are. It's not time consuming AT ALL. You don't have to make them...I didn't! We just bought some baby receiving blankets and delivered those. Every blanket counts so if you can only take one, take it! If you have questions, check out this Q&A and the blog for more details, or feel free to contact me.

Even though I never got to meet sweet Jayden, I feel like I know him because I know his parents. They are those kind of people you to be like when you grow up and I feel blessed to call them family!