It's been 3 weeks. Not since I last blogged, but since I was laid off from my job...
Three weeks ago I was laid off from my job at JD Premium. Life since then has been full of up's and down's for Nephi and I. Mostly I haven't blogged because it's hard to know where to start. But today, after starting my new job, I felt it was time to share with our friends and family.
It was a normal Tuesday morning. I was catching up on emails and following up on a great project we just started working on. The few weeks prior to this I had been having a hard time with the company. The management above me were not communicating well and I felt worthless. But, I talked with my superior and had a great break through. Little did we both know that our break through would now become worthless.
The owner of the company pulled the CEO, VP of Marketing, Operations Manager, and Myself all into his office separately and told us the news. His involvement in the company until this point was limited so I was surprised when he wanted to meet with me privately.
When he told me I was actually not shocked. He told me that the family had met and that they no longer felt that they could pour in thousands of dollars into the company each month and that they were letting all 4 of us go (CEO, VP of Marketing, and Operations Manager). I put on a strong face and said that I understood. At the time, I felt like he handled the situation well but it got progressively worse.
Before I go on, it's important to note my feelings towards that company as a whole. I hope the best for JD Premium and believe they have great products. They are now left with less than 10 people in the office and they need all the luck they can get.
After I left the office, I grabbed my phone and went to my car. My first call was to Nephi, of course. I stayed calmed and he was shocked. He hadn't left for school yet and said he would drive instead of carpool so he could come home right after class.
My next call was to my good friend. The Friday before this happened I had interviewed with the company she works for, for my dream job. I am grateful that the Lord prepared me for this hardship by helping me feel that there was immediate hope for my career. I lost it on the phone with her and I am surprise she heard a word I said. She has been an incredible support throughout this whole process. *I will explain what happened to that job later.*
I finally gathered myself enough to go back into the office. My head was spinning. What do I do? Do I stay? Do I go home? Who do I tell? Do I tell anyone? Why is this happening to me?
I walked down the hall and I could barely feel my legs. The CEO came out of his office and smiled at me. I asked him if he had a moment and he invited me into his office and as soon as I sat in the chair, I started bawling. He listened as I expressed my biggest fears. His words and tone was the ultimate comfort for me at that point. He was an incredible boss and I will miss working with him.
I went back to my office and called my mom and then the embarrassment began. As I told my mom she was also shocked. This response began to make me realize that people do not know how to react to this news. I can't blame them. What do you say to a person that was just laid off?
"I'm sorry..."
"You deserve better!"
"You will find another job."
"That sucks."
Oh gosh. None of those responses made me feel better and I quickly grew irrational. At this point I decided to not tell anyone. While I know there are many people out there that love and support me, this circumstance threw me into a state of mind that was more sensitive than expected. My pride in my works and accomplishments was slashed and I honestly felt that no one could understand the way I was feeling.
Nephi and I made the decision as a family that I would work and be the primary income builder while he finished school. Nephi is more than willing to work more but I wanted more than anything for him to finish school without having to work 20 hours a week (which is a luxury I would have killed for). I know there are many people who are anti women putting their work before starting a family. For us, we felt like this is a path is what is best for us. My decision to work is a personal one as well. While some people get "high" off of running marathons, making cookies, having babies, buying cars, blogging--mine is working. And especially working in marketing.
The company asked that I worked until the end of the month to wrap up projects and turn things over. At the time, this request seemed valid. They said they would pay me and at this point I couldn't turn down a pay check--no matter how hard it would be to return to work. Little did I know the terrible weeks that would approached me.
Like I said, this all happened on a Tuesday. Blah. That meant that I had to go in the rest of the week. You better believe that I ate way too much junk food, stayed up late, slept in, went to work late and left early. I didn't have much to work on and I could barely stomach being in the office. Most days I left sick enough to have to leave anyway.
I cried every night, spent a lot of time searching for jobs, and had several leads and contacts. That weekend I found out that I didn't get that dream job with my friends company. Two days before that I was in the temple and had a distinct feeling that I wouldn't get that job. This made me scared. This would be my first job EVER that I applied for and didn't get. Now, I am not bragging. I just choose jobs that I know I am qualified for. That Saturday I found out I didn't get the job. I wasn't crushed because I truly felt that they Lord had prepared me to receive that answer. God is good. I have learned that.
At this point I started to panic. I always slept well, but it was waking up that was hard. Reality lately was weighing me down and my pillow was suddenly more comfy. Nephi and I had many talks and played out many scenarios. He checked up on me constantly and I can proudly say that this situation brought Nephi and I closer than ever. We have always prided ourselves on being a great team and this situation made us strong. I can never thank the Lord enough for bringing us closer rather than farther away.
Now, let me just mention the insensitivity. If I didn't tell you what happened, it was for your protection and for mine. There were too many circumstances that happened in such a short period of time where people were insensitive so I am grateful we kept that number as limited as possible. It even got to the point where the office had a "party" for us and signed a goodbye card. One woman wrote in the card, and I quote, "I am glad I at least got to know you a little bit." Man. Keep in mind this lady was very bitter when I started at the company because I took over a lot of her responsibilities. She never expressed one ounce of remorse for us being laid off and I honestly never saw her so happy. Just the thought of her makes me sick. I am working on that personal resolution now.
So I mentioned they had a party, right? Yeah. It was awkward. I sat next to the man who laid me off and I almost threw up in his lap like ten times. I think we were in the conference room for 10 minutes but it felt like days. It was nice of them to do that but I couldn't handle the awkwardness. I have never been good at that...But, I do need to mention there were 2 people in the office who were very kind. The others I won't go into details about my feelings about them. I am getting over it one day at a time.
Naturally, the company handled things poorly. They are a small company and things were very scattered and people were confused. They told the people in the company that we chose to go a different direction but it was economical. I felt completely confident in my work in the company. The owner assured me that it wasn't a performance thing and although that was reassuring, I didn't need him to tell me that. I am very proud of my work at JD Premium and like I said, they have great products and I wish them the best.
On Tuesday last week I received a job offer. The position was great, less pay, but still great. I didn't feel the best about it so I decided to call the other company I was waiting on an answer from to let them know I received an offer. The recruiter gave me confidence and told me to wait till Thursday and that they would call me back. At this point, I had been very hard on myself. After being rejected from that other company, I felt that I wasn't good enough. I felt like a failure and that my college education and experience was worth nothing. After I got off the phone with him, Nephi was in the room and I immediately started bawling. I fell to my knees and I don't know if I have ever been that grateful. The Lord's hand was in the whole thing and we are so blessed.
So, today I started my first day of my new job. It was great. I now work for a much larger, stable, and more successful company. My salary is more, the benefits are 110% better AND I got a sign on bonus. At this time, I am not going to reveal where I am working for certain purposes. Friends and family can call/text/email to ask and we will let you know.
There were a handful of people that were very supportive throughout this whole process, including my family. My Mom, Sister, Aunt and Cousin came and spent the week with me last week and it was EXACTLY what I needed.
We have felt so blessed during this whole situation. For me to only be jobless for only 1 week (technically) was remarkable. Nephi is a trooper. Seriously the best. We celebrated this weekend by eating out and shopping. It was great.
Now starts kind of a new chapter in our lives. My advice to all those going through this situation of those who know someone going through this situation is to be kind, aware, and prayerful. I know the prayers of others is why we are here today. I will never take for granted waking up early and coming home late from a job that puts food on the table and I hope you won't too.
