PART 2 of 3: My Dad

PART 2:

My Dad went into the hospital on December 10, 2015 with a high fever, feeling very fatigued. Up to this point, he had been to the hospital many times. My Mom would usually send out a text or an email to tell us. It felt fairly common for our family and we would just waited for updates from Mom. We had meant to call him the next day as he was admitted overnight but were out late so we said we would call the next day. When we tried to call my Mom explained that he was in a lot of pain and not in a position to talk. They had sedated him. 

A few days later, not a lot of updates, we decided to FaceTime my Mom. She looked exhausted. She has been battling this along his side for years, but this exhaustion seemed off. I remember after us talking for a bit and getting updates I asked, "Mom, is this serious? Is he going to die or something?" and she quickly assured me no and that they were getting more updates. She did say he was in a lot of pain and that scared us. 

My best friend Emily went to visit my Dad in the hospital with her family. She told me it was bad - that he didn't look - and that I should try and make it home. She even offered to pay for my flights (did I mention she is the best?). I was so conflicted because we had been in the position a few times and I never knew what to do. I was also new to my job and had little PTO so I was trying to use it wisely because we were suppose to go to Idaho for Christmas. We were also poor students! I was so stressed about it. At one point I had thought to just fly home to visit for a few days and then meet Nephi in Idaho. It was a stressful few days.

On Thursday, December 17 I went to the office. I had meetings in Pueblo (2 hours away from Denver) so I left with a co-worker that morning. We chatted about personal stuff the whole way there and back. About an hour outside of Denver we started talking more about family stuff. I talked about my Dad and his sickness. I told her how eye-opening it was to see a parent be sick but about what a great Dad he was to us. About 30 minutes away from Denver I got a text from my Mom in a group text saying that Dad was not doing well. She said things were not getting better and that she was waiting for more updates from the doctors. 

We pulled into the office, my stomach was churning from being car sick plus worried about my Dad. I got into my car and called Nephi before I left the parking garage. I told him that I probably need to go but again, I was conflicted. Before I hit the first stoplight my Mom was calling on the other line. I hung up with Nephi and answered my Mom. She was quiet and I heard a sniffle. "MOM????"

She said she had just spoke with the doctors and they told her there was a 90% chance Dad wouldn't make it through the night. I pulled over. I said we would get on the next flight possible. She then sent the text to the family asking everyone to get to the hospital now. All my siblings were in AZ and they all rushed there. 

I walked in the door and Nephi embraced me. I couldn't believe this was happening. Marlo was playing, she had no idea what was going on. He had already looked up flights and we booked them to be on the first flight in the morning. We went and sat on the bed and waited for what would come next. I was getting texts from Emily this whole time. She was there. She was telling me everything going on. Describing it so I felt I was there. I am so grateful she was there. It meant more to me than I have been able to explain to her. 

We got a FaceTime call. He popped up. He was hooked up to machines and he looked awful. My siblings and Mom surrounded him. I told her we had booked flights and would be there by 9am the next day and she said the doctors said not to wait, they were going to take him off life support. He had fluid in his lungs and kidney and organ failure - he was in bad shape. He was still heavily sedated. We said our goodbyes. I still have screenshots of that call. I scroll past them in my phone every once in a while but never click on them. They are scary, but I still keep them. 

We packed up, we were not ready to leave town. We weren't suppose to leave to Idaho until the next week. I told my bosses and we asked the Bishop for a ride. I did actually sleep that night. We woke up really early and caught our flight. Emily picked us up. 

Usually when we come to town my Dad loved to greet us. It was strange pulling up and him not at the door waiting. It was so nice to see my Mom and siblings. It felt so surreal. From the moment we got together, we started with the planning. Throughout the whole time we were laughing and crying - recalling memories. Although it was a sad time, we were so happy to be together. 

It was a Friday and the funeral was on that next Tuesday. The love and support we got from family friends was unbelievable. My Mom has the greatest friends and members of our church. I grew up with these people - these are family friends of 20+ years. Many people knew my Dad in the community from his work and reputation. That love and support from them carried us - I will never forget it. 

Watching my Mom was hard. She tried to be positive, but it's really hard to grieve with all those people. There were always being in the house, we were never really alone. But I think that helped a bit too. Grief is different for everyone so we were all learning what each other wanted. For now, we wanted to all be together as much as possible. 

I got a lot of texts and calls from friends that I SO appreciated it. A lot of people said "You don't have to text back" but I did because it was so nice to hear from them. And then there were people who you would think that would reach out that didn't. A few instances really bothered me, but I now realize that they probably felt awkward. I have learned that when in doubt, reach out. Even if you feel abnormal or out of place doing it. 

Before the funeral we had the chance to dress my Dad in special religious clothing. This would be the first time I would see him and I just wasn't sure if I wanted to. My Mom told me I should, and I am so glad I did. We walked into the room and he was on a table in a white button-up shirt and white pants. When I saw him my whole body filled with warmth and peace. I couldn't help but smile. He looked so good. He didn't look sick. His stomach wasn't bloated. His shoulders were broad instead of narrow and thin. His hair was long- he said he wasn't going to cut it until he got a transplant! I could have stayed in that room forever. 

We did stay for some time. We shared memories of him and laughed. We did a lot of laughing those few days. He was such a fun guy to talk about and a major part of all of our lives. We really felt carried throughout that time, and I know that's because of our religious beliefs. Without going into too much detail (if you have questions, ask!), we believe there is life after death and that we will be able to be reunited with our loved ones. This concept has always been something I have had faith in but it felt so real and brought me SO much comfort. It's so important to hold on to those beliefs - without them I know I would have handled this all differently. 

The funeral was beautiful. We were very particular on the music, he loved music, and I got to share a few words about him. It wasn't a place where we were all sobbing. There was a little anxiety going into it, but I just didn't want it to end. The whole time, talking about my Dad, there is nothing better! Nephi made this beautiful tribute to him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXTqvJdbfoo 

We stayed in AZ until after New Years. I got bereavement and only had to use 2 days of PTO. It was a miracle that my office shuts down Christmas Day until New Years Eve - that's unusual and it's what allowed us to stay so long with not a lot of stress. Nephi, being a student, had even more time off and the day he passed away was Nephi's last day of classes that semester, so it worked out well. 

That was the best Christmas I can remember. Although Dad wasn't with us, we felt him so much. We all dropped everything to be together. We were together from early morning to late evening every day. We all made sacrifices. Talked a lot. It brought us closer together.

Go to part 3 of 3.

Thanksgiving 2015

It was our first Thanksgiving away from family and we were lucky enough to have family come to us! Nephi's parents drove up from Idaho Falls and spent the week with us here in Denver. We went to IKEA, watched Christmas movies, cooked (well, I cooked), ate, looked at Christmas lights, and Marlo played hard.

She must have played a little too hard because she ended up getting sick - saddest thing I have ever seen! She got sick in January this year at 4 months old and was just rhaspy and stuffy but didn't act very sick. This time, she was lethargic, cuddly, stuffy, sleepy, and did I mention cuddly? It was a whole new baby and although it made us sad, we were happy to cash in on some overdue cuddles from that baby. She got to a temp of 100 so we did a luke warm bath (she hates baths now apparently), essential oils, humidifier, diffuser with essential oils, and kept her in blankets all day. It was really only a day before we started seeing improvements - we survived! She is just about 100% now but still has been giving us some cuddles so I think she sees the value in them now :)

Don't get me wrong, I love to cook, but I think after doing all the cooking (besides the rolls) and all the dishes (Nephi helped a little bit) I don't know how I am going to cook anything this week. I am sure everyone feels the same way so I feel validated in my complaints. Also, we are ready for a major sugar detox! I ended up feeling a little sicky last night from all the junk food and lack of sleep from a sick baby so I stayed home from church with Marlo, took a long bath, drank lots of fluids, Nephi made turkey noodle soup (I made homemade turkey broth), and I am feeling better. Tomorrow will be rough though.

2015 Thanksgiving Menu:
Turkey - (18 lb. turkey that Nephi's parents got for free) Squeezed a fresh lemon over it, rubbed it with fresh rosemary butter and stuffed with onions, apples, rosemary, and lemons - I will repeat this every year!

Stuffing - I have never made homemade stuffing so I read through the basics of making it but made up my own recipe. I made homemade multigrain bread (dried it out in the oven), added italian sausage + ground beef, celery, onions, fresh parsley and fresh rosemary. It was SO good, but, next time I won't cook it as long in the crockpot.

Crockpot Mashed Potatoes 

Sweet Potato Souffle from @cleansimpleeats on Insa - SOOOO good and healthy (except I did rice krispy cereal with butter + brown sugar on top so that part wasn't so healthy)

Gravy (Nephi's specialty)

Connie's Rolls

Veggie Platter

Apple Crumble Pie (my Mom's recipe and SOOOO good and quick to make!)

Pumpkin Pie with the best crust

Also - for breakfast I made this banana pumpkin bread (minus the glaze) - can you tell I love this food blogger? She's my fav.

Nephi did such a great job carving the turkey! It was a big one - 18 pounds! But I am so happy to say that it did NOT burn and that we used the leftovers to make turkey broth (I ended up making 8 cups) and used that in our turkey noodle soup today. PS - If you aren't making broth with your leftover carcasses, you are missing out! I am a believer now. 

Got out the fancy dishes. We got this set for our wedding and it still looks great - timeless.

Fun group picture - thank goodness for self-timers on our iPhones! We loved having time with Boyd and Connie. 

This was Marlo pretty much all day on Friday. Whoever was holding her she was cuddling. 

It was weird to decorate a new space for Christmas (after being in out other place for 3 Christmases) but we are happy with how it turned out! We love our mini tree. I am so happy we don't have to haul a huge tree and store it with us wherever we go. And every year I get a few new ornaments and this year I found them in the dollar spot at Target! They are actually present tags - they are the perfect ornaments too for pretty cheap (they came 2 to a pack). So I'm using almost all my ornaments from the past 4 years and I have kept them matching and timeless colors and style to use for our future big tree OR just use it on this tree in a different part of the house. 

Drove to downtown to look at the light on all the buildings! This was our favorite one. When you come visit us (When I say you I mean my Mom because she is the only one that reads this) we will take you downtown and it will remind you of a mixture between San Fran and NYC - I love it.

My sweet sicky baby. Let's pray she doesn't wake us up a million times tonight...

Halloween 2015

Halloween was much more fun this year with Marlo being a year older. Although older, we still used her costume from last year and it was a hit! No one was dressed like her and she was adorable in it! We weren't planning on dressing up with her but we had a few change of plans so we decided to dress up at the last minute! I am glad we did because most of our friends did and we loved seeing everyone's costumes! I am ALL for family themed costumes. I know Marlo will have more of an opinion in the future but I am pretty sure we will make it work each year ;) Bless my Mother who let me dress up as a "dead rollerblader" for like 3 years in a row - may Marlo never be as stubborn! 

We went to a Halloween party with all our friends! There were about 50 people there and all the kids were dressed up so cute!

This picture KILLS me! The party was during her naptime and I think at this point she was pretty much DONE. We left right after this picture haha.

We also went to the library with our friends for a little Halloween party there. Any excuse to use this costume! 

It's finally getting cold in Denver! It was a huge shock when we got back from AZ but it is so beautiful! Swing time is coming to a close so we are trying to get it in as much as we can. 

Thank you, Pinterest + Hobby Lobby! Went out on Saturday morning, spent $13, and we put together these hats. Nephi did most of the work and I was so impressed! All the kids at the party LOVED it! They kept calling Marlo our "baby duck". We ended up giving our hats to my friends little girls to add to their dress-up outfits - glad it's going to good use!! 

We didn't trick-or-treat with Marlo this year because it made me feel guilty?! I felt like if we took candy, all the parents would just stare at my hips and think, "Oh, we know where that candy is going!" Eek. I did let Marlo try a tootsie roll and she loved it! Next year, baby girl. 

Pumpkin Patch'n

In true fall fashion, we hit up the pumpkin patch down the street from us at a local church. Pumpkins in Denver are expensive compared to Idaho - but these were for a great cause (read: NOT really). 

The pastor started telling us about this lady who broke her hip and I was thinking it was going to be for hospital bills but NOPE. Apparently this church needs to raise funds for a golf cart to help their elderly attendees get to the church from their car so they don't fall and break their hip(s). So we bought 4 little pumpkins. Hope our $12 helps. (I hope that doesn't sound heartless but it's just a little strange to raise funds for that and make it appear like charity.) 

Apparently, Marlo is afraid of pumpkins and bouncy houses. She was being such a wuss! But, she was being a cute wuss and we loved teasing her. 

ONE!

Marlo is ONE! 

We celebrated in AZ a few weeks early so we could be with family. The theme was kind of polkadot, but not to structured. We had flatbreads, salad, desserts, and of course Marlo had her smash cake! She was giddy all night until we put her to bed. She loved all the attention and love!

I just made a simple smash cake - a banana bread cake so it didn't have a lot of sugar - with can frosting. She kind of got into it but mostly just liked playing with the frosting on her fingers! 

Please. She is the cutest. We had to do a little modeling for some bloggers that sent us that bib and headband. I have to resist the urge to buy her all the cute stuff so it's nice to get a few things for free from our favorite shops! 

Did a fun photo-shoot at Kendall's new house with her nice camera and I loved how it turned out! We got a ton of great pictures. She was being so smiley and cooperative! 

The day of her birthday in Colorado we woke her up by putting balloons in her crib! She was so confused, like, "Hey guys, this is not suppose to be in here," and she started throwing the balloons out cautiously. So funny!

Made her favorite pancakes and added some sprinkles. 

We headed out to IKEA and then to lunch. Such a happy baby!

How did we get so lucky to get this sweet girl? I hate to say that our life started once we had Marlo (like many people say) because I personally don't feel like it did. I felt that more at marriage, but with Marlo's birth I felt a bigger change within myself and a major enhancement to our already beautiful life. I remember wondering what she would look like and now I feel like we've always known her and what she looks like. No doubt she is our baby - everyone says she's a 50/50! I would say it's the same personality-wise; she's outgoing and social like me, and curious and kind like Nephi. And then there is a little of Marlo - the cautious but daring, sweet but sour, fragile but strong, little girl that we adore. Every phase gets more fun and we can't wait to grow up with her! 

And of course, it was my "Mommy Birthday", too. I get the chills when people use the phrase, "my baby that made me a mommy," because I know that feeling now! I know why my Mom has a special little affinity towards her first-born - I will always have that for Marlo. And although I am very hard on myself, I feel proud of my accomplishments as a mother. My skills and talents have been exercised just as much as my weaknesses have, and I have Heavenly Father to thank for that. 

Mother's Day Up North

Summer is starting here in Idaho and we have been trying to take advantage as best as possible! For Mother's Day weekend we went up to a cabin in the Cour 'de Lane area with Nephi's parents and brother and sister-in-law. It was MUCH needed for Nephi and I. We've had a recent change in job and some other added stresses that made this trip a sorta answer to prayer.

The cabin was beautiful! We fished, went to a really fun park, spent time in the hot tub, I got to read a book and take a nap, and Marlo got much needed time with Grandma and Grandpa! I was telling Nephi's Mom that I really think Marlo knows who they are now. She is so blessed to have them close!

First time in the swing and she loved it! 

So grateful for Nephi's parents driving with us! Marlo loved having them there. 

My first Mother's Day was one for the books! It was special to be celebrated this year. I am very observant of other Mothers. I try not to judge them and I pray that others don't judge me! I feel like I ask for forgiveness daily because I am always coming up short but in a world full of comparison it's hard to not feel inadequate, especially because I don't fit the "mold" of "Motherhood".

I am overwhelmed most days and try not to wish the time away. I love the relationship I have with my Mom and I catch myself thinking, "When Marlos older we are going to..." NO -- I want to be better about living in the NOW with her. She is my dolly and I can't believe she's here.

Our March Madness

Yes, our blog still does exist.

We had our very own March Madness over here, sans the brackets.

I got an award at work which granted me a front row parking spot and my photo on the wall in a secluded hallway--felt really special about it. (Okay, okay, I will miss that parking spot come tomorrow!)

Found the time to sneak in some dating with this cute guy. I like him.

I traveled to Vegas for work where we had an event at the JW Marriott. We stayed in 2 bedroom suites--pretty luxurious the whole 5 hours we spent in it. It was a long week but a very successful event! Vegas treated us well.

Hosted a bridal shower for my good friend, Kiley. I barely finished everything in time and I ended up resorting to a lot of plan B, C's, and even a plan D on a few of my ideas but I think it turned out pretty great! I loved her colors and I am so excited for her to marry her cute boy! 

Broke out the spring clothing for Bunco night AND got a new phone cover! I ordered it online and it looked mint green but turns out it's neon green. Guess I will won't lose my phone in my purse anymore!

Got to FaceTime this baby a few times this month, including on her 1st birthday! 

Contributed to the Guymon Easter party with these sugar cookies! They turned out pretty good. Take a good look at all the purple ones--Nephi did those. He discovered a cool technique with his knife when he was helping me frost. Dang him, he is so smart. If PA school doesn't work out--we are thinking culinary arts...

Easter dinner! Since Nephi's family celebrated on Saturday, we had our own little Easter dinner on Sunday with Caitlin! I didn't want to go out and buy a ham so I just used the turkey loin I had, the last few eggs in the carton, potatoes, fresh brussel sprouts, my Mom's traditional fruit salad, and homemade rolls. It turned out great and we were all out on the couch after.

We ended the weekend by going to a special Easter program that Grandma Guymon was part of. It only happens every 5 years so we were so grateful we were able to attend! All the music was composed by a local man and Grandma wrote the narrative. It was a beautiful program!

Through all the madness this month, Nephi still managed to get another job. That's right. Nephi is now paramedical examiner/phlebotomist. He works for a life-insurance company and examines people who are interested in getting life insurance. He asks them questions, takes their vitals and takes their blood. He is a star and I am SO proud of him! I tease him that we can now tell our kids that he worked 2 jobs and went to college ;).

 Looking forward to another crazy month as Nephi finishes up another semester and starts his last semester and I prepared for Melaleuca's National Convention!