PART 2 of 3: My Dad

PART 2:

My Dad went into the hospital on December 10, 2015 with a high fever, feeling very fatigued. Up to this point, he had been to the hospital many times. My Mom would usually send out a text or an email to tell us. It felt fairly common for our family and we would just waited for updates from Mom. We had meant to call him the next day as he was admitted overnight but were out late so we said we would call the next day. When we tried to call my Mom explained that he was in a lot of pain and not in a position to talk. They had sedated him. 

A few days later, not a lot of updates, we decided to FaceTime my Mom. She looked exhausted. She has been battling this along his side for years, but this exhaustion seemed off. I remember after us talking for a bit and getting updates I asked, "Mom, is this serious? Is he going to die or something?" and she quickly assured me no and that they were getting more updates. She did say he was in a lot of pain and that scared us. 

My best friend Emily went to visit my Dad in the hospital with her family. She told me it was bad - that he didn't look - and that I should try and make it home. She even offered to pay for my flights (did I mention she is the best?). I was so conflicted because we had been in the position a few times and I never knew what to do. I was also new to my job and had little PTO so I was trying to use it wisely because we were suppose to go to Idaho for Christmas. We were also poor students! I was so stressed about it. At one point I had thought to just fly home to visit for a few days and then meet Nephi in Idaho. It was a stressful few days.

On Thursday, December 17 I went to the office. I had meetings in Pueblo (2 hours away from Denver) so I left with a co-worker that morning. We chatted about personal stuff the whole way there and back. About an hour outside of Denver we started talking more about family stuff. I talked about my Dad and his sickness. I told her how eye-opening it was to see a parent be sick but about what a great Dad he was to us. About 30 minutes away from Denver I got a text from my Mom in a group text saying that Dad was not doing well. She said things were not getting better and that she was waiting for more updates from the doctors. 

We pulled into the office, my stomach was churning from being car sick plus worried about my Dad. I got into my car and called Nephi before I left the parking garage. I told him that I probably need to go but again, I was conflicted. Before I hit the first stoplight my Mom was calling on the other line. I hung up with Nephi and answered my Mom. She was quiet and I heard a sniffle. "MOM????"

She said she had just spoke with the doctors and they told her there was a 90% chance Dad wouldn't make it through the night. I pulled over. I said we would get on the next flight possible. She then sent the text to the family asking everyone to get to the hospital now. All my siblings were in AZ and they all rushed there. 

I walked in the door and Nephi embraced me. I couldn't believe this was happening. Marlo was playing, she had no idea what was going on. He had already looked up flights and we booked them to be on the first flight in the morning. We went and sat on the bed and waited for what would come next. I was getting texts from Emily this whole time. She was there. She was telling me everything going on. Describing it so I felt I was there. I am so grateful she was there. It meant more to me than I have been able to explain to her. 

We got a FaceTime call. He popped up. He was hooked up to machines and he looked awful. My siblings and Mom surrounded him. I told her we had booked flights and would be there by 9am the next day and she said the doctors said not to wait, they were going to take him off life support. He had fluid in his lungs and kidney and organ failure - he was in bad shape. He was still heavily sedated. We said our goodbyes. I still have screenshots of that call. I scroll past them in my phone every once in a while but never click on them. They are scary, but I still keep them. 

We packed up, we were not ready to leave town. We weren't suppose to leave to Idaho until the next week. I told my bosses and we asked the Bishop for a ride. I did actually sleep that night. We woke up really early and caught our flight. Emily picked us up. 

Usually when we come to town my Dad loved to greet us. It was strange pulling up and him not at the door waiting. It was so nice to see my Mom and siblings. It felt so surreal. From the moment we got together, we started with the planning. Throughout the whole time we were laughing and crying - recalling memories. Although it was a sad time, we were so happy to be together. 

It was a Friday and the funeral was on that next Tuesday. The love and support we got from family friends was unbelievable. My Mom has the greatest friends and members of our church. I grew up with these people - these are family friends of 20+ years. Many people knew my Dad in the community from his work and reputation. That love and support from them carried us - I will never forget it. 

Watching my Mom was hard. She tried to be positive, but it's really hard to grieve with all those people. There were always being in the house, we were never really alone. But I think that helped a bit too. Grief is different for everyone so we were all learning what each other wanted. For now, we wanted to all be together as much as possible. 

I got a lot of texts and calls from friends that I SO appreciated it. A lot of people said "You don't have to text back" but I did because it was so nice to hear from them. And then there were people who you would think that would reach out that didn't. A few instances really bothered me, but I now realize that they probably felt awkward. I have learned that when in doubt, reach out. Even if you feel abnormal or out of place doing it. 

Before the funeral we had the chance to dress my Dad in special religious clothing. This would be the first time I would see him and I just wasn't sure if I wanted to. My Mom told me I should, and I am so glad I did. We walked into the room and he was on a table in a white button-up shirt and white pants. When I saw him my whole body filled with warmth and peace. I couldn't help but smile. He looked so good. He didn't look sick. His stomach wasn't bloated. His shoulders were broad instead of narrow and thin. His hair was long- he said he wasn't going to cut it until he got a transplant! I could have stayed in that room forever. 

We did stay for some time. We shared memories of him and laughed. We did a lot of laughing those few days. He was such a fun guy to talk about and a major part of all of our lives. We really felt carried throughout that time, and I know that's because of our religious beliefs. Without going into too much detail (if you have questions, ask!), we believe there is life after death and that we will be able to be reunited with our loved ones. This concept has always been something I have had faith in but it felt so real and brought me SO much comfort. It's so important to hold on to those beliefs - without them I know I would have handled this all differently. 

The funeral was beautiful. We were very particular on the music, he loved music, and I got to share a few words about him. It wasn't a place where we were all sobbing. There was a little anxiety going into it, but I just didn't want it to end. The whole time, talking about my Dad, there is nothing better! Nephi made this beautiful tribute to him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXTqvJdbfoo 

We stayed in AZ until after New Years. I got bereavement and only had to use 2 days of PTO. It was a miracle that my office shuts down Christmas Day until New Years Eve - that's unusual and it's what allowed us to stay so long with not a lot of stress. Nephi, being a student, had even more time off and the day he passed away was Nephi's last day of classes that semester, so it worked out well. 

That was the best Christmas I can remember. Although Dad wasn't with us, we felt him so much. We all dropped everything to be together. We were together from early morning to late evening every day. We all made sacrifices. Talked a lot. It brought us closer together.

Go to part 3 of 3.

Bunco Night

In Idaho Falls we used to have a group of girls that played bunco every month and it was my favorite! I loved the time I had to be around other women and loved the game - it's easy and literally anyone can play it and that's MY kind of game.

I got a few of the ladies I have met here (who I LOVE) to come play with me this week and it was a blast! We only ended up with 8 girls but we played anyway and I think everyone loved it. Hopefully we will be able to keep it up for a monthly or even every other month tradition!


I decided to do a waffle bar because I reeeeeaaaaallllly wanted to make some liege waffles after I had some legit ones in AZ. Not quite the same, but pretty close!

Toppings: PB, Nutella, Whipped Cream, Syrup, Buttermilk Syrup, Salted Caramel Sauce, Berries, Chocolate Chips, Sprinkles, and Cinnamon Sugar. 

The black paper is chalkboard wrapping paper from the dollar section at Target. I may never do a buffet any differently - it was perfect. 

And of course a blog entry from me wouldn't be complete without pictures of my Mina (new nickname, don't know where I came up with it but she responds to it now). 

We went and hung out with some friends on Friday night and had dessert and Marlo flirted with her friends Milo and Tyler - she loved it. I got these boots for her this summer and they *almost* fit! They make her look so old though! 

Snaps from Nephi are the best.

Went to Burger King with Daddy and loved it! All the workers kept coming up to her and giving her toys and the crown and couldn't get over how cute she is - that's my Mina!

Halloween 2015

Halloween was much more fun this year with Marlo being a year older. Although older, we still used her costume from last year and it was a hit! No one was dressed like her and she was adorable in it! We weren't planning on dressing up with her but we had a few change of plans so we decided to dress up at the last minute! I am glad we did because most of our friends did and we loved seeing everyone's costumes! I am ALL for family themed costumes. I know Marlo will have more of an opinion in the future but I am pretty sure we will make it work each year ;) Bless my Mother who let me dress up as a "dead rollerblader" for like 3 years in a row - may Marlo never be as stubborn! 

We went to a Halloween party with all our friends! There were about 50 people there and all the kids were dressed up so cute!

This picture KILLS me! The party was during her naptime and I think at this point she was pretty much DONE. We left right after this picture haha.

We also went to the library with our friends for a little Halloween party there. Any excuse to use this costume! 

It's finally getting cold in Denver! It was a huge shock when we got back from AZ but it is so beautiful! Swing time is coming to a close so we are trying to get it in as much as we can. 

Thank you, Pinterest + Hobby Lobby! Went out on Saturday morning, spent $13, and we put together these hats. Nephi did most of the work and I was so impressed! All the kids at the party LOVED it! They kept calling Marlo our "baby duck". We ended up giving our hats to my friends little girls to add to their dress-up outfits - glad it's going to good use!! 

We didn't trick-or-treat with Marlo this year because it made me feel guilty?! I felt like if we took candy, all the parents would just stare at my hips and think, "Oh, we know where that candy is going!" Eek. I did let Marlo try a tootsie roll and she loved it! Next year, baby girl. 

Surprise Trip to AZ

Marlo and I took a last minute trip to AZ. The flights were cheap and we wanted to see family while we had a good chance and before things got too busy for us. We also went to spend time with my Dad who is not doing too well. He lights up when he sees Marlo and him and my Mom (and all my siblings) would do just about anything to see Marlo. No one knew we were coming except my parents so it was fun to surprise everyone!

We had an opportunity to buy Garth Brooks tickets off someone so we went for it! IT WAS AMAZING! I won't go into much detail, because I could go on and on, so talk to me about it in person, please? Because I want to tell you all about it - Ha! It was so nostaligic. We used to listen to him during on our summer vacations to Lake Powell and on all our family road trips. He is an amazing performer and so humble. I had a lot of friends go to his show in SLC as well and they all said it was the best concert they have been to - I agree! 

Marlo was SO good on all flights! On the way there she slept the whole time. On the way back she slept on the first flight but not the second. But, we had pretty empty flights so it worked. She sat and looked out the window. And she licked the window over and over and I didn't even stop her. Yeah - I am that cool of a Mom. 

The best part was, and I am writing this so I don't forget, when I got off the plane in Denver we were walking to baggage claim and a man who was on our flight walked next to us and said, "Your daughter did so well on the flight! She's the best baby I have ever seen in all my traveling. She is so beautiful." Wow! And then when we were leaving with Nephi after getting our luggage, we were just walking and talking and we walked by another guy and he kind of waved at us and said, "Hey, hey! Your daughter is so cute and such a good baby. I meant to tell you that on the flight but didn't get a chance. She is so cute!" Ha! So, good job Marlo. I guess it pays to just let your kid lick the window. 

Lots of cousin time! Marlo lights up when she sees Ava! And Ava is so sweet with her. Sure, she pushes her around sometimes, but I really think she does well with her and makes sure Marlo is always being good! :) And Colt! He is just THE SWEETEST babe. He is cooing and smiling and is so chill. He definitely has his Mama's personality! It was so fun spending so much time with him. He will be huge by the time I see him again! :( 

And of course, lots of Granddad time!!! I never see my Dad happier than when he is with his grandchildren. He is the best Granddad to them. Marlo was loving him this trip and would lean in to give him kisses without him even asking! I think she senses that he needs the love. 

Grandy time! He came into town the day after we did and I picked him up from the airport and about gave him a heart-attack! Ha! Marlo LOVES Grandy. She would run to him and put her arms up. She actually sat with him which she doesn't often do. 

Went to the AZ State Fair! It's been years since I have been and it was NOT as fun as the Eastern Idaho State Fair. The food was blah, too. But, we got in free because of a promotion they were having. ^^I love this picture of Marlo looking at the pig. He started snorting and it scared her. The video was so funny!

Took a little trip to the pumpkin patch to get pumpkins! 

Made sugar cookies with royal icing and they turned out so good! It is SO time consuming but I am excited to have the skill so I can use it for parties and such. I got The Allison Cookie Party course for my birthday and it was so worth it! Such great tips!

I LOVED this trip to AZ because I got to see Emily AND Maddie! They are my very best friends from High School. I usually get to see Emily every time I go to AZ but I haven't seen Maddie in almost 5 years! It was so fun to catch up and "brunch". Maddie teased that we are finally old and rich enough to brunch - HA! I said, yes we are old enough but I am not rich enough! But really, it was so wonderful to see them and we sat there for 5 hours chatting about old times and new changes in our lives. Grateful for such great friends that we can just pick up where we left off.

I am so glad we got to make the quick trip. Every time I see my family I usually have a detox a day or two after I leave and stay in bed and just super lazy and this trip was no different. Poor Nephi has to deal with my quick depression, haha. I just need things to look forward to and after a trip it always feels so far away! But Chelsea is coming in 2 weeks and then we get to see the Guymon's at Christmas! 

August in AZ

A week after we got to Colorado we jumped on a plane and went to Arizona to spend a few weeks with my family. Nephi was able to join us for 2 of the 4 weeks because he had a break after his first week of orientation and we soaked it all in!

We basically never stopped sweating. We spent a lot of time indoors and just playing with family. Marlo had just started walking so she was all over the place loving all the open space. She got SO much love during her time there that at moments I thought she would explode from happiness. Her grandparents and aunts and uncles love her unconditionally and she loves them back! It was a good taste of what it would be like to live near my family and if it wasn't for being separated from Nephi for 2 weeks, we wouldn't have had the urge to come back to CO! Luckily, the flights to PHX from DEN are fairly inexpensive so I am sure we will squeeze in a few trips a year.

Kendall had her little baby boy (Colt Steven) while we were there and we got lots of snuggles! He is growing so fast and I can't wait to see him again! 

We took a trip with my parents to the Grand Canyon and Sedona. It was so beautiful and I forgot how breathtaking the views are. I had more of an appreciation than I did when I was last there (6th grade) and I want to plan a trip next summer to hike Havasupi! 

Marlo took lots of baths in Namas sink. 

Any chance she could, my Mom would rock Marlo to sleep. They had such a sweet little routine and I know Marlo misses her. Every time we get on FaceTime Marlo starts blowing kisses to her! She doesn't do that with anyone else. She loves her Nams! 

Nephi left and then my parents, me and Marlo went to California for a few days to visit friends in Pasadena and family in Southern California. It was also SO hot there and so we didn't escape the heat much but went to the beach and did some exploring in LA. 

Marlo fell in LOVE with my cousin Hannah. She is so wonderful with kids. If I had the money, I would make her our live-in nanny. She is so darling. 

I celebrated the big 2-8 while we were there. Shopping and food - it was SO great (just wish Nephi could have been there with us!). 

I am so glad we took the time to make the trip. My parents are so gracious with their time and just making it a fun trip for us before we started our life in Colorado. I don't know if they realize how much it meant to us (especially me) but we had the best time and counting down the days till we go back to visit! 

That Weekend *High*

Sitting in bed last night with Nephi and we were planning our week and I was like, "When I have a GOOD weekend with tons of time with you and Marlo it actually doesn't make Monday's dreadful." Maybe a little high off the weekend fumes? I don't know, but we had the best weekend! 

We planned on hiking Table Rock this weekend with Andrew & Kelli but it was stormy last week and the forecast showed another storm and we decided not to risk it. Since Nephi still had the day off, we hit the next item on my bucket list and hiked 'R' Mountain on Saturday morning. It was so great! Perfect weather, picnic breakfast, and happy babies. The hike was easy, just a little slippery from the gravel, but the view was beautiful.

Please do not take these yoga pictures seriously... 

Then we ran home and got ready real to hit the road to the Hillman Family Reunion (Nephi's Moms side)! I finally got to meet Nephi's 'long-lost' Unlce and Cousin. Literally - Nephi's Grandma had a baby before she met Nephi's Grandpa and they only found this out about 7 or so years ago! Crazy. So I finally got to meet them and just fell in love with them and so did Marlo.

Peter, Nephi, Marlo, Mallory, Elizabeth, Kira, Tim
Anna & Brooklyn

This girl! ^ Dad introduced her to this animal app. We used it in emergency situations but I afraid it's too late and we are in for it. 

After the reunion we raced back to Idaho Falls to meet up with Neal, Angie, and Grayson and go to the drive-in. We saw Minions and Jurassic Park. Marlo was a gem at first but then got super cranky and was fighting sleep so bad. Nephi and I were both in the back of the car wrestling her down and then she whacks her head and is screaming - poor girl! But then suddenly she slowed down and fell asleep on me. She can't know you are actually trying to put her to bed or she will melt down. It needs to be subtle. But I am so grateful for her little attitude and putting up with a long fun day!

On Sunday we went to church, got released from our callings, and then went home and hit the sack. Marlo and Nephi slept for 3 hours and I slept for 1.5 which is highly unusual of me. I guess we all really needed it! We did some cleaning and organizing which I love to do with Nephi because I need the extra hand, had dinner, and then went to Tim and Kira's for dessert and just to hang out. Marlo may have taken her "first step" but it's so premature that I am trying not to get too excited about it!

Like I said, no 'Monday Blues' when you have a great weekend! We are looking forward to Monday-Thursday going fast because we have camping, swimming, and picnics planned for the weekend!

OKAY - So maybe Marlo has the Monday Blues!? (10 month photos did not go well)